A synthesis of the natural product thebaine is reported in eight steps from commercially available starting materials, hinging on the dearomatization and coupling of simple aromatic starting materials. This provides divergent access to two unnatural opioid derivatives and is aimed at the long-term development of synthetic opioid analogs of the "wonderdrug" Naloxone. Additionally, a formal enantioselective synthesis of all reported targets is disclosed that leverages a catalytic asymmetric dearomatization via anion-pairing catalysis.