Water pollutants such as oil spills, industrial dyes, and microplastics threaten public health and aquatic ecosystems. There are considerable challenges in removing water contaminants using traditional methods. Several studies have been conducted in recent years to develop effective water purification materials. Despite this, the mass production of most materials is extremely challenging because they involve multiple intricate steps and sophisticated equipment. Herein, we report the facile synthesis of spent coffee ground (SCG)-derived magnetic microrobots, which we dub "CoffeeBots", to remove oil, organic dyes, and microplastic pollution from contaminated seawater. In order to meet eco-friendly, high-yield and low-cost requirements, iron oxide nanoparticles (IONPs) were deposited on biodegradable SCGs using green chemistry. The IONPs on CoffeeBots facilitate magnetic navigation and recycling, microswarm assembly, and ease of retrieval after water remediation tasks. CoffeeBots' intrinsic surface hydrophobicity enables efficient on-the-fly capture and removal of oil droplets and microplastics from contaminated water with remote magnetic guidance. CoffeeBots were also functionalized with ascorbic acid (AA@CoffeeBots) to remove methylene blue (MB) dye contaminants from polluted seawater. SCGs and AA act as bioadsorbent and reducing agent, respectively, for MB dye removal whereas magnetic propulsion enhances mixing and accelerates MB decolorization. These CoffeeBots can be recycled numerous times for removing oil spills, organic dyes, and microplastics from the seawater. CoffeeBots hold considerable potential as sustainable, recyclable, and low-cost remediation agents for water treatment in the near future.