Polyethylene is a commodity material that is widely used because of its low cost and valuable properties. However, the lack of functional groups in polyethylene limits its use in applications that include adhesives, gas barriers, and plastic blends. The inertness of polyethylene makes it difficult to install groups that would enhance its properties and enable programmed chemical decomposition. To overcome these deficiencies, the installation of pendent functional groups that imbue polyethylene with enhanced properties is an attractive strategy to overcome its inherent limitations. Here, we describe strategies to derivatize oxidized polyethylene that contains both ketones and alcohols to monofunctional variants with bulk properties superior to those of unmodified polyethylene. Iridium-catalyzed transfer dehydrogenation with acetone furnished polyethylenes with only ketones, and ruthenium-catalyzed hydrogenation with hydrogen furnished polyethylenes with only alcohols. We demonstrate that the ratio of these functional groups can be controlled by reduction with stoichiometric hydride-containing reagents. The ketones and alcohols serve as sites to introduce esters and oximes onto the polymer, thereby improving surface and bulk properties over those of polyethylene. These esters and oximes were removed by hydrolysis to regenerate the original oxygenated polyethylenes, showing how functionalization can lead to materials with circularity. Waste polyethylenes were equally amenable to oxidative functionalization and derivatization of the oxidized material, showing that this low- or negative-value feedstock can be used to prepare materials of higher value. Finally, the derivatized polymers with distinct solubilities were separated from mechanically mixed plastic blends by selective dissolution, demonstrating that functionalization can lead to novel approaches for distinguishing and separating polymers from a mixture.