Aqueous dispersions of microporous nanocrystals with dry, gas-accessible pores─referred to as "microporous water"─enable high densities of gas molecules to be transported through water. For many applications of microporous water, generalizable strategies are required to functionalize the external surface of microporous particles to control their dispersibility, stability, and interactions with other solution-phase components─including catalysts, proteins, and cells─while retaining as much of their internal pore volume as possible. Here, we establish design principles for the noncovalent surface functionalization of hydrophobic metal-organic frameworks with amphiphilic polymers that render the particles dispersible in water and enhance their hydrolytic stability. Specifically, we show that block co-polymers with persistence lengths that exceed the micropore aperture size of zeolitic imidazolate frameworks (ZIFs) can dramatically enhance ZIF particle dispersibility and stability while preserving porosity and >80% of the theoretical O2 carrying capacity. Moreover, enhancements in hydrolytic stability are greatest when the polymer can form strong bonds to exposed metal sites on the external particle surface. More broadly, our insights provide guidelines for controlling the interface between polymers and metal-organic framework particles in aqueous environments to augment the properties of microporous water.