We have developed an analytical theory for a simple model of liquid water. We apply Wertheim's thermodynamic perturbation theory (TPT) and integral equation theory (IET) for associative liquids to the rose model, which is among the simplest models of water. The particles interact through rose potentials for orientation dependent pairwise interactions. Modifying both the shape and range of a three-petal rose function, we construct an efficient and dynamical mimic of the two-dimensional (2D) Mercedes-Benz (MB) water model. The particles in 2D MB are 2D Lennard-Jones disks with three hydrogen bonding arms arranged symmetrically, resembling the Mercedes-Benz logo. Both models qualitatively predict both the anomalous properties of pure water and the anomalous solvation thermodynamics of nonpolar molecules. The IET is based on the orientationally averaged version of the Ornstein-Zernike equation. This is one of the main approximations in the present work. IET correctly predicts the pair correlation functions at high temperatures. Both TPT and IET are in semi-quantitative agreement with the Monte Carlo values of the molar volume, isothermal compressibility, thermal expansion coefficient, and heat capacity. A major advantage of these theories is that they require orders of magnitude less computer time than the Monte Carlo simulations.