Before you know it, you are on opposite sides of the fence: doctor and patient. That is how it feels when you hear that a disciplinary complaint has been made against you. But most complainants are not interested in this: they mainly want to be heard and, often, to see their complaint acted upon. Two mechanisms can explain why, as a doctor, it still feels like an attack. Complaint procedures often have the character of a court case. In that case, you are almost automatically on opposite sides. In addition, a complainant's request for clarification, or the need to be taken seriously, can escalate if an adequate response is not forthcoming. A more open response aimed at listening, repairing any damage and restoring the mutual relationship, can prevent escalation and thus also the passage to formal procedures. Such an open response is not always easy. Initiatives such as peer support can help here.