•Current empowerment efforts fail to capture a critical component of empowerment - its relational nature.•Individual's empowerment is constituted through the empowerment of others in significant relationship to them.•The ability of women to empower themselves is mediated through the deliberative support of others.•Community judgment of individual alignment with gender norms determines empowerment outcomes in daily realities.•Public adherence to local gender norms creates a safe façade to deviate from the norms.