This article explores the controversial kinship practice in mainland China of 'gay' men marrying unwitting women. It questions the 'marriage fraud' discourse that condemns the men involved while pitying their wives, or tongqis. Taking an ethnographic approach, this article considers the major flaws of this popular discourse: the idealized-package of marriage-love-sex, the oft-neglected difficulties of living outside marriage, and most importantly, the essentialization of homosexuality. It also examines the im/possibility for married 'gay' men to be honest in their marriages. Finally, it cautions that honesty, if used as a decontextualized ethical yardstick for queer kinship, may obscure the racist and homophobic prejudices that exist both outside and inside queer communities. Accordingly, this article proposes that we shift to 'opacity' as an epistemological, methodological and ethical parameter that radically queers kinship (studies).
Keywords: Honest; mixed-orientation marriage; opacity; queer kinship; tongqi.