Inspired by Kubo-Anderson Markov processes, we introduce a new class of transfer matrices whose largest eigenvalue is determined by a simple explicit algebraic equation. Applications include the free energy calculation for various equilibrium systems and a general criterion for perfect harmonicity, i.e., a free energy that is exactly quadratic in the external field. As an illustration, we construct a "perfect spring," namely, a polymer with non-Gaussian, exponentially distributed subunits which, nevertheless, remains harmonic until it is fully stretched. This surprising discovery is confirmed by Monte Carlo and Langevin simulations.