Vietnam has advanced far beyond most other developing countries and, indeed, surpasses many developed countries in adopting a legal framework based on gender equality, and in creating institutions and programmes to support women's advancement. Inegalitarian gender norms have also persisted, however. The Vietnam Women's Union promotes women's educational, political and economic advancement but simultaneously exhorts women to pay attention to their Confucian role of maintaining family hierarchy and harmony. This paper presents findings from qualitative research examining gender relations at the grassroots level in central Vietnam. It argues that the Vietnam Women's Union could support women more effectively by promoting greater diversity in gender norms and by initiating a public discussion to address the pressures women face in trying to achieve ideals that are often experienced as contradictory and unattainable.