Metamaterials possess exotic properties that do not occur in nature and have attracted significant attention in research and engineering. Two decades ago, the field of metamaterials emerged from linear electromagnetism, and today it encompasses a wide range of aspects related to solid matter, including electromagnetic and optical, mechanical and acoustic, as well as unusual thermal or mass transport phenomena. Combining different material properties can lead to emergent synergistic functions applicable in everyday life. Nevertheless, making such metamaterials in a robust, facile, and scalable manner is still challenging. This paper presents an effective protocol allowing for metasurfaces offering a synergy between optical and thermal properties. It utilizes liquid crystalline suspensions of nanosheets comprising two transparent silicate monolayers in a double stack, where gold nanoparticles are sandwiched between the two silicate monolayers. The colloidally stable suspension of nanosheets was applied in nanometre-thick coatings onto various substrates. The transparent coatings serve as absorbers in the infrared spectrum allowing for the efficient conversion of sunlight into heat. The peculiar metasurface couples plasmon-enhanced adsorption with anisotropic heat conduction in the plane of the coating, both at the nanoscale. Processing of the coating is based on scalable and affordable wet colloidal processing instead of having to apply physical deposition in high vacuum or lithographic techniques. Upon solar irradiation, the colloidal metasurface is quickly (60% of the time taken for the non-coated glass) heated to the level where complete defogging is assured without sacrificing transparency in the visible range. The protocol is generally applicable allowing for intercalation of any nanoparticles covering a range of physical properties that are then inherited to colloidal nanosheets. Because of their large aspect ratio, the nanosheets will inevitably orient parallel to any surface. This will allow for a toolbox capable of mimicking metamaterial properties while assuring facile processing via dip coating or spray coating.