Since wood is a renewable, biodegradable naturally occurring material, the development of conductive patterns on wood substrates is a new and innovative chapter in sustainable electronics and sensors. Herein, we describe the first wooden (bio)sensing device fabricated via diode laser-induced graphitization. For this purpose, a wooden tongue depressor (WTD) is laser-treated and converted to an electrochemical multiplex biosensing device for oral fluid analysis. A low-cost laser engraver, equipped with a low-power (0.5 W) diode laser, programmably irradiates the surface of the WTD, forming two mini electrochemical cells (e-cells). The two e-cells consist of four graphite electrodes: two working electrodes, a common counter, and a common reference electrode. The two e-cells are spatially separated via programmable pen-plotting, using a commercial hydrophobic marker pen. Proof-of-principle for biosensing is demonstrated for the simultaneous determination of glucose and nitrite in artificial saliva. This wooden electrochemical biodevice is an easy-to-fabricate disposable point-of-care chip with a wide scope of applicability to other bioassays, while it paves the way for the low-cost and straightforward production of wooden electrochemical platforms.