Background: Although communication is strongly emphasized in palliative care, not much research has focused on communication between patients and their loved ones. The purpose was to increase understanding of communication around severe illness between patients with a life-threatening disease, receiving palliative care, and their loved ones. Secondary intention was to identify strategies making easier for patients to talk about their condition with loved ones. The article is based on in-depth interviews with 15 patients and 8 loved ones. Interviews were analysed using qualitative content analysis. Communication about patient's illness was often described as balancing between wanting to inform or know and wanting to protect. Both patients and loved ones deliberately talk in a way that reflects their relationship. They act, negotiate and communicate aiming at not wanting to create situations that are perceived as uncomfortable, either for themselves or for others. Patients also take everyday practicalities into account. In these interactions, some people become the patients' inner circle - people with whom information is shared and co-owned. Other people find themselves outside the circle and patients may use them as test-subjects - speaking to them about things they might not dare reveal to their inner circle. These considerations are reflected in the themes: What is communicated, How communication is performed, and When it takes place. Our findings show that acting on the ideals of an "open and honest" form of communication is not always to be recommended. Professionals must instead strive to understand and respect the intentions of those involved.
Keywords: cancer; communication norms; intentions; interaction; palliative care; patient-loved ones communication; sharing bad news.