Paper diagnostics are of growing interest due to their low cost and easy accessibility. Conductive inks, necessary for manufacturing the next generation diagnostic devices, currently face challenges such as high cost, high sintering temperatures, or harsh conditions required to remove stabilizers. Here we report an effective, inexpensive, and environmentally friendly approach to graphene ink that is suitable for screen printing onto paper substrates. The ink formulation contains only pristine graphite, water, and non-toxic alkanes formed by an interfacial trapping method in which graphite spontaneously exfoliates to graphene. The result is a viscous graphene stabilized water-in-oil emulsion-based ink. This ink does not require sintering, but drying at 90 °C or brief microwaving can improve the conductivity. The production requires only 40 s of shaking to form the emulsion. The sheet resistance of the ink is approximately 600 Ω/sq at a thickness of less than 6 µm, and the ink can be stabilized by as little as 1 wt% graphite.