Substituted phenols are requisite molecules for human health, agriculture, and diverse synthetic materials. We report a chemical synthesis of phenols, including penta-substituted phenols, that accommodates programmable substitution at any position. This method uses a one-step conversion of readily available hydroxypyrone and nitroalkene starting materials to give phenols with complete regiochemical control and in high chemical yield. Additionally, the phenols can be converted into highly and even fully substituted benzenes.