A simple, low-cost, portable, smartphone-based laser beam profiler for characterizing laser beam profiles is reported. The beam profiler utilizes a phosphor silica glass plate to convert UV light into visible (green) light that can be directly imaged onto an existing smartphone CMOS chip and analyzed using a customized app. 3D printing enables the ready fabrication of the instrument package. The beam's diameter, shape, divergence, beam quality factor, and output power are measured for two UV lasers: a CW 244 nm frequency-doubled Ar ion laser and a pulsed 193 nm ArF exciplex laser. The availability of specialized phosphor converters can extend the instrument from the UV to the near infrared and beyond, and the smartphone platform extends the Internet of Things to map laser beam profiles simultaneously in different locations.