We formalize the physics of an optical heterodyne accelerometer that allows measurement of low and high velocities from material surfaces under high strain. The proposed apparatus incorporates currently common optical velocimetry techniques used in shock physics, with interferometric techniques developed to self-stabilize and passively balance interferometers in quantum cryptography. The result is a robust telecom-fiber-based velocimetry system insensitive to modal and frequency dispersion that should work well in the presence of decoherent scattering processes, such as from ejecta clouds and shocked surfaces.